Truth or Dare, Hermione?
by StellarKhat
Summary: Hermione is a new staff member at Hogwarts and joins some of the others in welcoming the New Year. Slight MM/HG.
1. Happy New Year

**A/N This came to me at about 2am so I hope it's as funny to you as it was to me then. Just a bit of fun. I don't own any of the characters blah blah blah. Enjoy!**

"Pour me a Firewhiskey, Rolanda!" screeched a rather inebriated Pomona Sprout.

Hooch passed her a shot glass full to the brim with the fiery liquid before downing one herself. It was New Years Eve and a few of the Hogwarts Professor's had gotten together to see in the new year with style. Pomona giggled furiously while Minerva adamantly swore that she was sober. Poppy didn't believe a word of it but she couldn't say she was either as she had already had the majority of a bottle to herself. As the newbie, it was Hermione's job to out-drink the lot of them. A feat which she seemed to, somehow, be managing rather well. It was the end of her first term at Hogwarts as the Potion's Mistress.

"How about we make this a little more interesting?" Rolanda asked, a glint in her eye. No one answered her, knowing exactly what Rolanda's idea of 'interesting' was.

"Alright," Hermione said bravely, though in the eyes of Poppy, Minerva and Pomona, foolishly.

"How about we play…" Rolanda paused dramatically, causing the group to lean in towards her, "Truth or Dare!"

As far Rolanda Hooch went, this didn't seem such a bad idea so the other women agreed. There was an extra rule added to make the game more interesting; if someone passed on a truth they had to take a shot to make up for it, if they passed on a dare they took two.

Since Rolanda had suggested it, she was to go first. They sat on the floor in a circle and she placed an empty Butterbeer bottle between them (yes, they did start the night almost sensibly). Pointing her wand at it, it started to spin. It stopped pointing at Hermione.

"Hermione! Truth or dare?" Rolanda asked.

"Truth."

"Oooh! I've got a good one! Hermione, when you were a student did you fancy any of your Professors? If so, who?" Never one to be caught out, Rolanda made her question specific.

Hermione sighed in relief, she didn't mind answering that! Which was probably due to the copious amount of alcohol she had consumed.

"That's easy; Minerva, of course," she replied, smiling shyly at her ex-Transfiguration Professor. Unfortunately due to her lack of sobriety it did turn out more of a drunken leer. Minerva had the good grace to blush. Pointing her wand at the bottle, Hermione set it spinning. It landed on Poppy.

"Poppy, truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Who is the best kiss you have ever had?"

Poppy looked on the verge of answering but changed her mind, she blushed a deep beetroot colour before taking a shot. Rolanda rolled her eyes.

"We all know it's Neville, anyway!" Pomona announced, to a shocked audience. Clearly they didn't all know that but they certainly did now. Poppy shoved her with a scowl on her face which was somewhat reduced by her skin still being hot enough to keep a Salamander happy.

Poppy span the bottle and it landed on Rolanda who stoutly chose dare, telling the others they were all pathetic. Poppy grinned evilly, she was going to think about this one.

"Rolanda, I dare you to… take your bra off and hang it from the battlements."

Rolanda cackled delightedly before performing the trick that has confused men for many years. She took her bra off under her shirt before leaving the room. She staggered back a few minutes later.

"Done!" She declared as she fell onto the floor where she had been sitting. She set the bottle spinning, it landed on Minerva who, not to be outdone, chose dare too.

"Minerva, I dare you to take your trousers off!"

Hermione's eyebrows shot into her hairline but when Minerva stood up and slipped out of her trousers she looked as though she had had her eyelids removed as well since she was too shocked to even blink. She really hadn't expected that.

"Merlin's beard, Minerva, where have you been hiding _those_?" Poppy demanded, her eyes raking appreciatively over her legs. Hermione blushed and looked away, realising she had been staring too. Minerva laughed and sat down again, her trousers lying in a heap behind her. She seemed very relaxed considering her state of undress, Hermione doubted any of the Hogwarts students would have guessed it possible. The bottle stopped spinning and Minerva turned to face her victim. Pomona. Seeing the evil glint in Minerva's eye, Pomona chose truth with a frightened squeak. Minerva rolled her eyes but grinned, she knew just what to ask.

"Pomona, dear," she began sweetly, which just caused the poor Herbology teacher to quake in fear, "How is Filius in the sack?"

Hermione gasped and Rolanda dissolved into a fit of giggles, giving Minerva a high-five. Pomona blushed pink and took a shot. The other women glared at her. Getting bored, Poppy suggested they play 'I've Never' instead. Hermione didn't know that game so they explained that someone will say something they haven't done. If you have done it, you take a shot. As it was Poppy's suggestion, she went first.

"I have never had a crush on a student."

Minerva, Rolanda and Pomona took a shot. Pomona looked quite guilty and Minerva looked a little uncomfortable. Rolanda, however, seemed to think it was something to be proud of. Pomona was sat next to Poppy so she went next.

"I've never played Quidditch."

Poppy took a shot, Minerva glared at her. Rolanda looked as though she would have got up and attacked her if she could. Poppy was suddenly very thankful for alcohol. Minerva next.

"I've never kissed someone I'm not attracted to."

Rolanda immediately took a shot, Hermione hesitated then followed suit. She could feel Minerva's questioning eyes on her. Rolanda's turn.

"I have never, never, _ever_ cheated on someone."

This statement was met with a little surprise, especially when Poppy tried to surreptitiously take a shot. Hermione next.

"I've never kissed a woman."

Everyone else took a shot. Hermione blushed.

"I'm feeling left out," she joked. Minerva met Rolanda's eyes and they seemed to have a silent conversation before bursting into hysterics of laughter. Just then, the clock began to chime midnight. New Year.

"Quick! Hermione, truth or dare?"

"What? Oh… dare?"

"I dare you to kiss Minerva."

Hermione flushed and looked at Minerva who smiled and crawled over to her, still trouserless. Their lips met in a surprisingly tender kiss. The bell stopped chiming and Minerva pulled away.

"Happy New Year," she whispered before falling into a drunken stupor with her head in Hermione's lap, backside still in the air. The others took this as a cue and one by one curled themselves rather artistically around the desks and chairs pushed to the edge of the room. Hermione had no such luxury and so was forced to try and sleep exactly as she was.

Happy New Year, indeed…


	2. The Morning After

[b]Back by popular demand! (of about four people...) But still! :) This is the follow up to Truth or Dare, Hermione? The Morning After. It's short and (hopefully) funny. Enjoy![/b]  
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Sunlight crept into the classroom. Hermione, who had unfortunately been facing the window, gave a disgruntled groan and tried to move, the process of which dislodged a half-dressed Minerva McGonagall who toppled on top of her and snored, showing that even her unconscious self was stubborn and wasn't planning on waking up for anyone. Hermione lay down, Minerva's head on her chest and fell back into a light sleep.

Their respite was short lived however, as soon after, a horrified Severus Snape entered the room, followed by Flitwick, Neville and Dumbledore. For once, all four of them were quite speechless, gazing at the carnage which five inebriated witches can cause when given ample chance. Neville caught sight of Minerva's trouserless behind and scoffed loudly, trying not to laugh. The noise caused the women to stir, all clutching their heads and squinting furiously, why was it so bloody _bright_?

As everyone knows, hangovers are very, _very _bad. But one thing is even worse; still being drunk. This is the condition that Rolanda found herself in when she finally opened her eyes.

"Neville!" she squawked, slipping gracelessly from her perch on a desk, "We were just talking about you! Weren't we, Poppy?" she added, evilly. Poppy blushed and shook her head, why did these things always happen to her? She looked up and saw that Neville was blushing too. Severus had made his way gingerly across the room and was now looking down, his best disapproving glare in place, on Minerva and Hermione, the former of the two now laid legs akimbo on the floor showing the entire room a very nice set of lacy knickers. Sensing eyes on her, Minerva sat up and began to feel along the floor for her discarded trousers, eyes still shut against the sun. If she had had her eyes open, she might've noticed the amused smirk that flitted across Severus' face for less than a second.

Pomona got up off the chair she had slept on and tottered over to Filius, resting her elbow on the top of his head as she tried put the right buttons in the right holes on her robes which proved just too much to think about when trying to stay upright at the same time.

Ever the gentleman, Neville crossed the room and helped a badly suffering Poppy to her feet and offering to get a hangover cure from the Hospital Wing for her. Rolanda received the news rather indignantly.

"We don't need hangover cures, lover boy!" she stoutly announced, the effect was somewhat ruined when a loud hiccup bubbled past her lips. Sensing defeat, she dissolved into a fit of giggles and sat down again, her body twitching with hiccups.

Minerva yanked on her trousers and found a spot in the shade by feeling how cool the floor was, when she felt safe from the glare of sunlight, she finally opened her eyes.

"Good morning," came a rather bemused voice from the doorway, Dumbledore was surveying the chaos of his old Transfiguration classroom with a calm amusement. "I trust you all had a good night."

"Yes, sir, we did!" Rolanda replied enthusiastically jumping to her feet and saluting Dumbledore. Hermione groaned as Rolanda's voice pierced her sensitive ears. She cradled her head in her hands before crawling over to Minerva to share her refuge of darkness.

Severus Snape took one look at the women, who were by now all retreating into the shade, and couldn't take it anymore. He laughed. And laughed. And laughed. He laughed so hard that he was clutching his side and gasping for breath when he finally stopped. When he opened his eyes he saw that the entire room were staring at him, in open-mouthed, genuine shock. Damn. They noticed.

"Merlin's saggy left nut," Hermione finally spoke, her voice cracking, "Snape just bloody _laughed!"_


End file.
